


First steps

by akh



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 19:35:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8635435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akh/pseuds/akh
Summary: There are some more words (and maybe even sentences) to be exchanged after the credits roll. My take on a post-ep oneshot for The Kill List.





	

By the time they pull apart for air, panting and more than a little dishevelled, Serena can feel her heart racing for reasons other than just the lack of oxygen in her lungs.

“That was…” Bernie breathes, her eyes darting down to Serena’s lips and then back to her eyes again, her mouth curving into a grin to match hers. A rare sight that Serena cherishes all the more for it being all for her.

“Reason enough for you?” she suggests coyly when she finds her voice again, her grin morphing into a hopeful look as she watches Bernie’s face for any flicker of doubt or second thought. When she finds none, her hand returns to Bernie’s hair to brush an errant strand off her face. Without the frantic urgency of their earlier embrace, the simple gesture feels almost more intimate than anything they have just done.

As she lets her fingers linger, Bernie’s face grows serious again.

“More than enough,” she replies, her voice barely rising above a whisper as she earnestly meets Serena’s gaze.

A beat passes and she starts again: “God, Serena, I was so…”

Serena can think of a few ways in which she could finish that sentence for Bernie, but she waits, feeling perfectly patient now that it’s just them and the quiet of the office and….as her eyes sweep around, she notices that in the heat of the moment they have missed one of the blinds.

“Foolish?” she offers lightly as she crosses the room to take care of the unobstructed window. If there has been an audience, they seem to have already scampered, but she snaps the blinds shut anyway before returning to Bernie’s side.

“I had no right to be jealous about Robbie,” the blonde continues as if there had been no interruption, accepting Serena’s assessment without argument.

“You had no _reason_ to be jealous about Robbie,” Serena corrects her softly. Now that it’s all out in the open, she can almost smile at the pettiness of their earlier tension. The thought of Bernie, jealous of her affections, tugs at something in her heart even though she would rather not admit it, given the hurt it has caused them both.

Bernie smiles, too, oblivious of her thoughts - a small, tentative smile as she reaches out a hand to intertwine her fingers with Serena’s. Another touch of simple intimacy that feels new and exciting.

“I was mad at myself and I took it out on you,” she says and then pauses to capture Serena’s eyes. “I shouldn’t have,” she finishes apologetically.

Serena thinks of her words, sees the sincerity in Bernie’s eyes that somehow seem a shade darker than she remembers them (maybe it’s the contrast against the hair that seems a shade blonder than she remembers it), and she wants to tell her everything – about the loneliness, the rumours, the sometimes drunken confessions of the love that she’s been harbouring all these weeks – but she’s afraid of saying too much too soon, again.

“Would you really have left?” she asks instead. “If Jason hadn’t locked us here, would you…” She doesn’t want to finish the sentence. Doesn’t need to finish it.

Bernie puffs out a lungful of air and shakes her head. She’s still holding on to Serena’s hand, wringing it now like she normally would her own hands, and somehow Serena finds it endearing.

“I don’t know,” she finally answers hesitantly. “I…I think I was hoping you would ask me not to.” She pauses and then rephrases herself: “Foolishly hoping, I know.”

“Well, the last time I asked…” Serena points out.

“I know,” Bernie replies. “I know. I just thought this time…you might prefer me to leave.”

Serena watches Bernie for a moment in silence, wonders at the litany of failed relationships that must have led her to this proclivity of jumping to the worst conclusion at any sight of trouble.

“I wouldn’t have begged you twice,” she admits at last, “but I never wanted you to leave,” she adds softly. “Not then, not now.”

She presses her forehead against Bernie’s and, for the first time since the other woman’s return, really breathes in her familiar scent – mostly a mixture of basic hospital soap and sanitizer, deeply unattractive in general, but somehow just right on Bernie – and can’t hold back a quiet sob that’s been threatening to spill out since the moment they first locked eyes in the morning.

She hears Bernie’s voice in her ear at the same moment she feels her arms circle around her, tentatively at first, but then closing in on a full embrace. “I’m not going anywhere,” she tells her in a hushed tone. “I should never have left.”

Serena quietly agrees but doesn’t want to break from Bernie’s hold to voice her agreement, burrowing closer to her instead and holding tight, neither of them in any hurry to move.

**

“You know…” Bernie starts once they finally begin to pull apart again. “I should tell you I let out my apartment when I left for Ukraine.”

Serena raises an eyebrow, wondering where this is heading.

“Haven’t booked into a hotel yet either…” Bernie continues, and Serena’s mind quickly starts putting one and one together to make two.

“I have a spare room.” The words are out of her mouth before she can fully finish the thought. “I mean, if you need a place to stay…” she explains, thinking not of the spare room she has just advertised but of the queen sized bed in her own room.

Bernie opens her mouth and closes it once before actual words come out: “Would you…I mean, are you sure Jason won’t mind?”

Serena casts her eyes towards one of the windows with the blinds still firmly shut, wonders if the boy is still standing outside, his precious face pressed against the glass, and she lets out a chuckle.

“I think he’ll be fine,” she feels confident enough to promise.

Bernie’s eyes follow hers and her face, too, breaks into a smile.

“Well, if you’re sure,” she says, her voice hopeful.

“I’m sure,” Serena assures her.

The words have scarcely left her lips when she can hear the lock of the door click open, with Jason’s head peeking through soon after, a triumphant smile adorning his face.

“Found the key?” she asks dryly, her heart suddenly brimming with unexpected joy at the simple pleasure of being able to exchange an amused glance with Bernie before returning her eyes to her nephew.

Jason shrugs. “Turns out it was in my pocket,” he replies. “I forgot for a moment I put it there. Are you angry, Aunt Serena?”

Serena could hug him, would hug him if she didn’t still have a ward to run, but resolves to do so later at home.

“Well, as a general rule you shouldn’t lock two consultants in a room when they might be needed with patients,” she begins in a tone of gentle reprimand, but can’t hold back a smile as she glances at Bernie again and remembers they are all going home together tonight. That they might be going their separate ways if it hadn’t been for her meddling nephew.

“Oh come here, Jason,” she says and closes him in a hug after all. “I’m not angry,” she assures him. “Not angry at all.”


End file.
